


Commit This to Memory

by saloace



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pining, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:42:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7749124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saloace/pseuds/saloace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa has distanced himself from his life-long, childhood friend, Iwaizumi, only days after they both graduated high school. He gets invited to a house party, where he finds Iwaizumi. Confrontation comes knocking at the door, but Oikawa refuses to answer. Conflict ensues, secrets get revealed, and the past gets revisited. </p><p>Inspired by Motion City Soundtrack's album, 'Commit This to Memory'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Commit This to Memory

The message invite read:

_‘We’re having a little bonfire get together thing at 5PM, hope you can make it! :^)’_

Well…it’s 5:45PM according to my watch and I’ve been ringing this damn doorbell for five minutes now, every minute on the minute. The neighborhood doesn’t look so nice; bone-dry lawns, worn out pavement, rusty cars from dealerships I’ve never even heard of, barred windows, and even a neighborhood watch sign. The whole red flag shebang. So you bet your ass I’m gonna fuck on out of here when the sun sets (which will be any minute now). I really don’t need this right now. I should be studying for my math final. Who the hell even throws a party right before finals week? Yup, that settles it, I’m out.

Right before I could even turn around and make it back to my own car, this white sedan decided to pull up into the driveway. Fuck. It’s _this_ guy. The car turned off, as he got out the front seat to greet me.

“Tooru!”

“Hi, Koushi. What a coincidence seeing you here.” I scorned bitterly between my teeth.

“I live here…”

_That was the joke, dammit._

“Anyway, since you seem to have just gotten here, do you mind helping me unload some drinks?” He opened the backseat of the car, revealing three coolers varying in size and color, “I could sure use some strong hands.” He winked. There it was, the effervescent Mr. Refreshing, Sugawara Koushi. The man embodied the word ‘innocence’: with his ashy-powder hair, the ever so conveniently placed beauty mark under his left eye, but worst of all, that disgusting, horrid, hospitable smile.

“Flattery will get you nowhere.” I lied, lifting away two of the three coolers, having left him with the least heavy one of them all. How generous of me, I know. “By the way, Koushi, I’ll have you know that I’ve been waiting outside your door for like half an hour now!”

“Well…I wasn’t here.”

“You win this round, Sugawara.” I muttered. He took the last cooler, and closed the car door by the swing of his hip, and led me to the gate on the side of the house.

The iron wall opened to a long, narrow pathway lined with bulky, smelly, trash bags. When we finally got to the end of the corridor, we were met with Koushi’s partner/housemate, Daichi. He was placing foldable tables against the back wall of the house. After wiping away a stream of sweat, he approached us and, with one fell swoop, he took all three coolers from the pair of us. Anything to show off his muscles in front of Koushi I suppose. “Welcome back, Suga,” he planted a kiss on Koushi’s forehead, and shoved the coolers under the tables.

“Ummm? Hello? Am I not right here?” I scoffed, “Don’t I get a welcome?”

“Sorry, Tooru, but I’m not gonna kiss you.” Daichi teased, ruffling my fringe, “Though I’m glad you’re not the only one who showed up early.”

“Not the only one?” There wasn’t anyone else back here except the three of us, until somebody came walking out the sliding back door. They were carrying a pile of cardboard boxes that covered their figure from the waist up.

“Where do you want these, Sawamura?” They spoke…in a very familiar voice.

_Fuck. I couldn’t be._

Once they placed down the boxes, I could definitely confirm that it was indeed… _him._ I swung open the cooler in Koushi’s hand and grabbed a hold of a wet, chilly, bottle of cheap brand alcohol. Stumbling, I made my way back to the side gate and locked myself in the backseat of my car. This cannot be happening. What the fuck is _he_ doing _here_? It’s been months since I last saw him, in fact I haven’t spoken, or made any contact with him since high school graduation. I dug into my pockets and pulled out my Swiss Army Knife, uncapping the bottle and downed the whole thing within seconds. I was planning on getting myself drunk tonight, but I didn’t think I’d start this early…alone…and in my car no less.

_Fuck._

_FUCK._

I could already feel a light buzz, but I really, really, needed another drink. Though I couldn’t just go back and be like, _‘Oh, hi! I’m back, I know I just ran off just now, but let me just grab another bottle. Okay? Okay. I’m off now.’_ No. I analyzed all of my options, and concluded that I had to get my ass out of here and head straight home. It seemed like a good idea to me, so fuck it. I hopped over to the driver’s seat and reached into my pocket for my-

“What the fuck!?”

My pocket was empty. Empty! E-M-P-T-Y. Nothing. Not one thing. Especially not my keys. Okay, God, I get it, no buzzed driving. Now give me back my fucking keys. I crawled through every open space in the car, shoved my hand through every crevice to find my keys, but to no avail. Fuck. Probably dropped it somewhere along my way to the car. With my face pressed against the window, my eyes scanned through the front lawn.

It was like looking for a needle in a haystack, except instead of a needle it was my keys…and a very nicely kept lawn not a haystack. Anyways. The sun had already set, and the whole neighborhood began to pile in with cars and crowds of people. Hordes of strangers made their way to the house and through the side gate. After about ten grueling minutes, there were no more people in the streets, the opportune time to search the yard. I flipped on my hoodie, and made a break for it. I made sure to open and close the door real smooth and quiet like. I tiptoed across the sidewalk and into the yard. Crouching slowly, carefully lowering my knees down to the ground.

Crunch!

Every joint in both of my knees decided to crack on me. Loudly. I grimaced fiercely, my shoulders perked, my entire body basically contracted. I glanced from shoulder-to-shoulder to see if there was anyone around. The coast was clear. My hands panned across the cool grass, digging and gripping desperately for anything that remotely felt like my car keys.

“You’re not that slick, Shittykawa.” My heart thumped right out of my chest and into my throat. The jig is up. “Fucking idiot, what are you doing looking so sketchy? People are gonna think you’re a prowler.” He pulled down my hoodie, dragging me back through the gate and into the backyard. _God, this is so embarrassing._ “You’re not even going to greet me? Well aren’t you just rude as always?”

“Ugh. Good evening, Haj-”

“Hajime!” a voice interrupted from across the yard, “Get over here, we’re gonna get the fire started!”

“Well are you coming?” He reached his hand out to me, and almost instinctively, I accepted.

What the hell? After all the shit we’ve been through, he’s still acting normal. With my hand loose in his, he led me to the corner of the yard.  There were lawn chairs and haystacks surrounding the fire pit. It was just some ordinary looking hole in the ground, walled off with cement bricks.

 

I sat myself on a haystack against the back wall, Hajime took a seat to my right. The seat came with a perfect view of the party. Quite a few meters ahead was the patio, with a small group of people playing beer pong. Through the sliding door you could see the rest of the entire party inside, playing a variety of drinking games, video games, the usual party antics, all being tied together with the blaring of terrible music. Daichi and Koushi came squirming through the crowd and out the back door, greeting everyone along their way to the bonfire. They were each carrying a cooler and placed them down next to the fire pit. Koushi squatted near the fire pit, dowsing a bottle of lighter fluid over the firewood. He pulled out a matchbox from his pocket and took out a single match, striking it against the box. The rest of the matchbox was thrown into the pit before he threw in the lit match.

An ember began to form and gradually grew larger, filling the whole pit with a tall burning flame. A veil of shimmery distortion lined the fire. A breath of heat passed through my whole being, covering me in a toasty warmth. Instinctively, I reached out my hands to warm up, and everyone simultaneously followed suit.

Daichi took a seat on a lawn chair across from us, and Koushi took the seat on Daichi’s lap.  Every other seat was taken up by a bunch of strangers that seemed to know one another except me. The only people I knew here were Koushi, Daichi, and Hajime. I’m not good with making conversation, so I immediately reached over for a can of beer.

“When’d you get into drinking?” Hajime asked.

“Not too long ago.” I stated. Every now and again I would scoot away from him, edging myself closer and closer to the corner of the hay stack. I didn’t make eye contact, I didn’t make any further conversation. I just drank away the awkwardness.

“You’re not gonna take a drink, Iwaizumi?” Some rando wearing a sleeveless jersey and cargo shorts handed him a can of beer. (What a fucking tool, it is winter, you asshole.)

Hajime denied the offer saying, “No thanks, I don’t really like drinking.”

“Why are you here then?”

To which Koushi exclaimed, “I invited him here, just like I did with your ass.” There it was, the not so innocent Mr. Refreshing. He always sheathes his sharp tongue, but this boy could literally change mood and demeanor in a flip of a switch.

“Whatever, I’m gonna go and do some shots.” He stood up ever so nonchalantly, trying so hard to look like a badass, but failed horribly when he tripped on a haystack on his way out.

Everyone laughed and clinked drinks, including myself, as the asshole patted the dirt off his shorts and scurried to the patio. We all applauded his departure. “God, you’re so cool.” Daichi praised, giving Koushi a big kiss on the lips.

“Will you guys tone it down? There are children here!” I joked.

“Aww, are you still salty about me not giving you a welcome back kiss? Listen, as cute as you are, Suga’s got you beat.” Daichi gave a giggling Koushi yet another kiss, this time on the cheek. Koushi, countered by going in for the kill, the _whole_ kill, a deep, wet, passionate kill.

There was no response I could think of, regardless of what I could say, it’s not like it’d get through to them. Especially not through that shameless display, so an eye roll and another drink seemed appropriate. I don’t mind them being affectionate like that in public, well it is _their_ backyard. I just find it…odd? It’s really just…the only word I can think of is ‘remarkable’. They’re so loving and cute, and I can’t help but be envious of what they have. What I’d give to have something special like that. I chuckled to myself, just the thought of me getting any luck in that department is laughable.

I turned to Hajime, who’d been quiet during this whole exchange. “You’re being awfully distant.”

“Tch. You’re one to talk.” He muttered, not even looking at me. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his jacket, his eyes glistening from the fire.

The mood completely shifted. Something in my chest just snapped. His words stabbed right through me, leaving me completely speechless. I stared at him for a few minutes, waiting for him to at least look back at me.

“You guys all good over there?” Daichi

“Yeah,” I turned back to my drink, “Yeah.” At this point, the beer didn’t really taste like anything. I had already lost track of how much I already drank. It was a long while of just staring at the fire. There wasn’t any huge conversations, just small talk.

Who do you know?

What’s your major?

What are your classes?

Who’re you taking?

You know, the typical bullshit.

Before I knew it, the fire had already died out. It was dim and dark out, only to be lit the starry night sky, and the lamp on the back wall. The yard was empty, the rest of the party had migrated inside the house. It was just me…and him.

“Are you going to school?”

“Huh?”

“You weren’t really into the small talk, so I thought that maybe you haven’t been doing school. Plus, I don’t ever see you on campus either.”

“Oh...I’m sort of a night-time student,” I lied, “We probably just have conflicting schedule,” another lie, “Or something.”

“What’s ‘or something’?”

“N-nothing?”

“You know you can’t lie to me.” His eyes were cold, glaring right through my entire façade, as he always did.

“I don’t know what you’re talki-”

“Cut the bullshit,” His voice was cold as stone, and cut deep into me, “I know you’ve been avoiding me. You think you’re so smooth and sly, but you can’t fool me.” He stood up, patting off the dirt and hay off his pants, “Just like earlier today, you always think I don’t see you run away from me, but I always caught you in the act.”

“I…I’m not…I’m not trying to…It’s just-”

“Look!” His tone was pointed, “If you don’t want to be friends anymore that’s fine, but you should at least say it to my face.”

_Shit._

“No! That’s not it!

“Then what _is_ it?!”

My legs brought me up as fast as they caved in beneath me, I fell right on my ass on the dirt floor. My body went numb, my vision began to blur. Hajime clicked his tongue as he helped me up to my feet, his hands firm against my waist. I clung desperately to the front of his coat. My hands traveled from his shoulders to his cheeks. His face cupped in my hands, his grip wrapped around my figure. In the heat of the moment, and inebriation, I planted my face against his. We both grunted when our teeth crashed into each other.

“What the fuck was that?” He yelled, pulling himself away.

“Ah! Uh! No! I!” I stammered, “Ugh! Just!”

Without another word, I just grabbed tightly onto his hand. I had to find it deep within myself to muster all the energy to walk properly. Over the back-patio, and through the sliding door, into the house we went. I staggered through the crowd of drunkards, past beer pong invitations, disgusting dry-humping dancers, and somehow found my way to the front door. I struggled to get the doorknob to turn, fighting with the lock and deadbolt and finally got it to open. I trampled through the yard, making my way to my car. It was only when I reached into my pocket that I remembered that my keys had gone missing. My feet stop dead in its tracks. Hajime slapped my hand and forcibly retracted his hand back into his coat pocket.

“What the hell is your problem?” He sneered.

All momentum in my being faded away. My knees shook, my breath quaked. The aching in my chest mimicked the ache in my stomach. I’ve said too little and drank far too much. There was no holding me back. Nothing to stop me from grabbing Hajime’s collar and dragging him down with me onto the cool, dewy, grass. I couldn’t form any coherent words, my throat was so inflamed and throbbed relentlessly. Only croaked sobs and muffled speech could escape me. All I managed to do was embrace him and sully his shirt with my tears and mucus. It was just like old times, now it was his turn to smack me on the head, head-butt me, push me away, literally anything he would normally do. Anything to reject me and leave me alone to writhe in my pitiful display. But no. Instead of any of those things, he embraced me. His arms wrapped tightly around my figure, head cocked into my shoulder. His hands were soft and gentle as they rubbed against my back. His touch more tender by the time he reached his way to the crook of my neck. Ruffling my hair, carefully massaging my scalp.

“Look, if you have something to say then just fucking say it.”

 “We’ve known each other for so long – and gotten to know – each other – better than ourselves or – anyone else.” I couldn’t even get through a complete sentence without being interrupted by deep gasps and sobs, but it also could have been my drunk hiccupping. Even though it was hard to wrap my lips around every word, every consonant and vowel, I just kept on pandering on and on about how much I value him as a friend. How much I couldn’t stomach all the months I spent avoiding him. I couldn’t do it. It was all because of these three words. The reason I stopped calling. The reason I ignored his many messages and invitations. The reason behind every petty action I made to dissociate myself from him. All because of three fucking words.

“Out with it.” He demanded, but he spoke with such diligence. My throat tied itself into a knot as he embraced me all the tighter.

I could not take it anymore. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable. It didn’t matter anymore if he grew to hate me, or if starts to think I’m weird or disgusting. I have nothing left to hold on to. No hope to look forward to in our future, or lack thereof. There was no point in holding back these three words.

“I like you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i know that i didn't specifically say that the douchey jersey boy was yuji terushima, but....it was definitely yuji terushima  
> everyone that's here from my prior work...this is a complete contrast and shits gonna go down so buckle up
> 
> if you liked what you read pls remember to give some kudos ;^]  
> comments are also highly appreciated
> 
> god, have i piled yet another prompt  
> i swear i will complete everything i've started i swear on it


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